“Sudden Fatigue”
For me, possessing traits of both ASD and ADHD, this is an inescapable constraint in my daily life—a defining element that has shaped how I live.
In this article, I want to share how I have confronted and navigated this “fatigue” up until now.
For an explanation of what it means to be AuDHD, please refer to the linked separate article.
Sudden Fatigue and the Constraints of My Life
“Today’s a crucial day that could decide my whole life. I’ve gotta push through!”
At moments like that,
“Today I’m on fire. I’m gonna nail this job!”
At moments like that,
“Today’s my day off. I’m gonna have a blast!”
At times like these, sudden, merciless waves of fatigue strike me without warning. It creeps over my head, neck, and shoulders, gradually eating away at me from my back down to my waist. Each time it happens, I think, “Again?” or “Why now, of all times?”
If I had to describe this fatigue in words, it feels like this:
Just moments ago I was fine, then suddenly, I’m hit with this physical exhaustion like I’ve pulled two all-nighters in a row. My head feels like it’s screaming, “I’m done! Let me sleep!”
In my case, this sudden fatigue can sometimes be roughly predicted, but other times it strikes at moments that feel “unexpected” to me.
This fatigue has caused me
to make mistakes
that others find hard to understand,
time and time again.
Back when I was an office worker, it happened during a crucial presentation. It was a pivotal moment that could have shaped my entire life. But I knew well that once this hit, there was no fighting it. It was like knowing the ending the moment the curtain rose.
Beyond this specific example, my failures are too numerous to list. After dropping out of high school at 16, I worked in manual labor jobs. Those environments were brutal to newbies who seemed dazed or unfocused. This was over 30 years ago, and things might be different now, but I was yelled at constantly and often subjected to physical violence. Younger people today might find that hard to believe. I’ve also been fired from countless part-time jobs.
Thus, the sudden waves of exhaustion that struck me early in life imposed significant constraints as I tried to build my own philosophy on “how to live.”
Progressive Muscle Relaxation Technique
I first encountered progressive muscle relaxation when I was young and studying acting. Progressive muscle relaxation is a type of relaxation technique. Since discovering this method, I have continued practicing it for over 30 years, right up to the present day.
Progressive muscle relaxation involves “tensing the entire body by applying force, then releasing all the tension at once.” I’ll leave the specific details to specialized books and websites. From here on, I’ll describe what I’ve experienced through this method.
When I first started, I felt like I didn’t understand why I was doing it. But as I continued daily, I gradually became aware of a sense—albeit vague—that allowed me to distinguish whether my body was tense or relaxed at any given moment.
However, even at this stage, I hadn’t yet reached the point where I could consciously release bodily tension. I persisted with this method anyway. Why did I keep going? What motivated me? I believe the biggest factor was my desire to become an actor; that aspiration was the driving force behind my persistence.
The next change I noticed was becoming able to sense whether specific areas like my face, shoulders, or neck were tense at any given moment. Once this happened, I could notice things like “My face is tense” while walking or talking to someone, and I could also relax it.
Incidentally, this progressive muscle relaxation technique is sometimes said to be effective for stage fright.
Now, while I’ve been discussing fatigue in this article, this section has primarily focused on the word “tension” from the start. So, some readers might be confused, thinking, “What does tension have to do with fatigue?”
Simply put, “Tension is exhausting.”
Here, I want to clarify one point:
“Psychological tension” and “muscle tension” are not necessarily the same thing.
For example, phrases like:
- Professional athletes tend to say “good tension” just before a competition
- “No victory without tension”
In these contexts, “tension” is used positively, akin to ‘concentration’ or “spirit.”
On the other hand, the “tension” I’m writing about in this article is more physical and bodily:
- my shoulders stay raised
- my jaw and forehead are tense
- breathing has become shallow
These are states where muscles remain contracted and fail to relax. Although both are described as “tension,” these two phenomena can occur separately. There are instances where one is mentally focused yet the body is not excessively tense, and conversely, situations where one is mentally calm yet the body remains continuously tense.
Therefore, the “tension” I refer to in this article specifically means a state where physical tension persists without being released. It does not mean mental concentration, resolve, or fighting spirit.
How I incorporate progressive muscle relaxation into my daily life
I’ll describe how I currently incorporate progressive muscle relaxation into my daily life. First, when I find myself in a tense situation or notice tension building, I scan my entire body from head to toe for any areas of stiffness and consciously relax them. This can be done alongside everyday movements without needing to set aside dedicated time for active rest.
On the other hand, when I feel unbearable fatigue and recognize the need for rest, I take a break as soon as possible. I check the tension throughout my body and release it. Compared to simply lying down or reclining in a chair to rest, even a short break feels like it reduces fatigue more effectively. The best is lying down on the floor or sofa to relax, but of course, this isn’t possible everywhere.
Rather than “resting when tired,”
I wish I could “prevent getting tired in the first place…” but this approach lacks reproducibility and remains elusive.
Personally, I find it difficult to counter the situation where, with progressive muscle relaxation alone, “the body relaxes while the brain remains fully active, continuously depleting resources.” That’s where another habit, “meditation,” has proven invaluable.
Mindfulness Meditation
Before I talk about meditation, let me first explain how I feel about “thinking.”
For me, “thinking” is like a reward. Thinking about things I want to think about is enjoyable, so I don’t want to stop. I want to keep doing it forever.
But thinking nonstop tires the brain. The mind needs rest too. Yet timing that rest is hard for me. When it comes to using the body instead of the mind, deciding when to take a break is easier. Take weight training, for example. Guidelines like “training six days a week is too much” or “one day of rest is too little” are widely shared and highly reproducible. It’s easier to gauge how much to do and how much to rest.
But when it comes to thinking (using your brain), how much rest do you need after how much use? That’s tricky. Needless to say, for those whose lifestyle or profession involves constant mental work, the line between days off and workdays often blurs. And I have often felt that that “mental workers are prone to depression.”
Considering all this, I practice meditation to “actively rest my brain.”
When people hear “meditation,” some might conjure up extremely stoic terms like “ascetic practice” or “spiritual cultivation.” Consequently, many may perceive meditation as something beyond the casual reach of amateurs, sensing a certain high barrier to entry.
I am not a follower of any existing religion, nor do I seek religious meaning in meditation. Furthermore, in recent years, people from various backgrounds have openly shared that they practice mindfulness meditation as a habit. This trend makes meditation feel more accessible than before. I, too, have made meditation a habit as one form of relaxation.
The mindfulness meditation I practice follows this method:
- Close your eyes
- Focus on your breath
- Label whatever arises in your mind
Focusing on the breath means something like this:
As you take a deep, slow breath in, mentally say “in” during the process.
As you take a deep, slow breath out, mentally say “out” during the process.
Commentate on whatever comes to mind
When unrelated thoughts pop into your mind, “narrate” them, “label” them, and then return your focus to your breath.
For example, suppose you’re concentrating on your breath and silently chanting “in” in your mind, but then you start thinking about a pepperoni pizza. In this case, mentally label it as “thinking about a pepperoni pizza,” and then return your focus to your breath.
The important thing is that you don’t need to blame yourself, thinking, “I’m supposed to focus on my breath, but I thought about pepperoni pizza!” Furthermore, it’s also best not to let your thoughts develop like this:
- “Why did I think about a pepperoni pizza?”
- “Just now it was a pepperoni pizza, but now I’m thinking about a BBQ chicken pizza. Why do I keep thinking about pizzas?”
Don’t think about it; quickly bring your awareness back to your breath.
Furthermore, you don’t need to make efforts like these either:
- “I must empty my mind.”
- “I must banish distracting thoughts.”
When something arises in your mind, just label it and return to your breath.
In closing
From my personal experience, I feel these two methods have helped lessen the difficulties I face in life.
But I cannot answer the question, “What if I hadn’t done these things?”
Because it is impossible to experience
“the life I would have lived had I not done them.”
So the story I’m sharing here
is not one of improvement or overcoming,
but one of survival.
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