Throughout my life, I have never felt loneliness as a form of suffering.
The reason is simple: there are multiple parts of myself living inside me.
To avoid misunderstanding, let me explain what I mean. Among creators—manga artists, for example—you sometimes hear conversations like this:
“Man, I envy you. You’ve got a woman living inside your head, don’t you?”
What this usually means is that the speaker, likely a man, wants to portray women realistically in his work but feels he lacks that ability. He recognizes that someone else seems to possess it, and expresses his envy through this metaphor.
Of course, the genders could be reversed. “You’re lucky—you’ve got a handsome guy living inside your head” would work just as well.
So when I say that there are multiple parts within me, I mean it in this metaphorical sense—not as a medical condition.
Now, in my case, it feels like multiple characters are having conversations with images like: soothing anxiety, offering encouragement, or sounding an alarm.
For example, when I’ve made a major mistake, conversations like this play out in my head:
“You suck. Seriously, how many times is this? Learn already.”
“Yeah. You’re right. You’re totally right. Sorry.”
That kind of conversation plays out in my head.
Other times, while driving,
“Hey. That old guy driving the K-car can’t see what’s around him. Watch out.”
“Oh, that’s dangerous. Thanks. I’ll let him go ahead.”
Another specific example: this isn’t just me, but seems common among people with developmental traits. Sometimes, images of intensely negative past experiences suddenly surge up in my mind. It’s what’s called a flashback.
When those intense negative memories resurface,
inside me, there’s a “frightened dog-like version of myself”
and another part of me that soothes that dog.
“It’s okay. It’s over now.”
“You’re safe here.”
That kind of exchange happens naturally.
In other situations as well, the examples are too numerous to list.
As I explained at the beginning, even though I have multiple personalities within myself, this is not the medical diagnosis used in psychiatry, such as “multiple personality disorder (dissociative identity disorder).” I do not have that kind of problem.
Given this background, I have never felt “loneliness” as painful throughout my life.
I hear that young people, in particular, often fear loneliness to an extreme degree. As a writer, and someone with an extraordinary interest in human beings themselves and their activities, I think I understand the context of why they fear loneliness so much.
Throughout my life,
I have never felt
the pain of being alone
as “loneliness.”
I can understand intellectually
why young people fear being loneliness
But deep down in my heart,
I probably cannot understand it.
Because I have never truly been alone,
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